Mastering Motherhood Podcast

Coping with an Unplanned Pregnancy

January 05, 2020 Nicoll Novak Season 1 Episode 6
Mastering Motherhood Podcast
Coping with an Unplanned Pregnancy
Chapters
Mastering Motherhood Podcast
Coping with an Unplanned Pregnancy
Jan 05, 2020 Season 1 Episode 6
Nicoll Novak

This episode of the podcast is about unplanned pregnancy. I got to talk to Courtney, creator of The Unplanned Tiny Hand blog, about her own experience dealing with an unplanned pregnancy, how she struggled to feel connected to the pregnancy, and how she eventually took that experience and created a blog to tell moms that IT'S OKAY to not be excited about being pregnant. Not everybody dreamed of motherhood.

For more on Courtney, visit her blog, TheUnplannedTinyHand.com. There you'll also find her free guide and get details on her upcoming guide to newborns book.

For more on pregnancy, postpartum and parenthood, visit MasteringMotherhoodPodcast.com. Or follow on Instagram, Twitter or Facebook.

Music from https://filmmusic.io
"Bossa Antigua" by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com)
License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

Show Notes Transcript

This episode of the podcast is about unplanned pregnancy. I got to talk to Courtney, creator of The Unplanned Tiny Hand blog, about her own experience dealing with an unplanned pregnancy, how she struggled to feel connected to the pregnancy, and how she eventually took that experience and created a blog to tell moms that IT'S OKAY to not be excited about being pregnant. Not everybody dreamed of motherhood.

For more on Courtney, visit her blog, TheUnplannedTinyHand.com. There you'll also find her free guide and get details on her upcoming guide to newborns book.

For more on pregnancy, postpartum and parenthood, visit MasteringMotherhoodPodcast.com. Or follow on Instagram, Twitter or Facebook.

Music from https://filmmusic.io
"Bossa Antigua" by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com)
License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/masteringmotherhoodpodcast)

Nicoll:   0:12
Hi, everybody. This is the Mastering m\MotherhoodPodcast and I'm your host, Nicoll. This show is made by a mom, me, for moms, covering pregnancy, postpartum and parenthood topics as we go through this motherhood journey together. Today we have a special guest joining us, Courtney, the creator of The Unplanned Tiny Hand blog. Courtney's blog is special because she shares a lot about early motherhood, but she's also very transparent about having an unplanned pregnancy. Welcome, Courtney.

Courtney:   0:49
Hi.

Nicoll:   0:50
Hi. You tell the listeners a little bit about yourself and your family.

Courtney:   0:54
Okay. Well, I, uh my name is Courtney. I am 24 years old. Um, me and my husband have been married for three years now, and we have a little ah, almost nine month old girl named Carter. Um, that's about it. We live in Arkansas.

Nicoll:   1:13
I love the name Carter.

Courtney:   1:15
Oh, thank you. You know many people are like, "Oh, he's so cute." I'm like, he's wearing pink. She she's wearing pink. Come on. Most amount of pink you can wear is how much she wears. And people are like, "Wow, what a cute name. He he's such a strong little boy."  And I'm like, "Well, she's a strong little girl. But yes."

Nicoll:   1:34
That's hilarious. I just love it. If it makes you feel any better, my son's name is Magnus. We call him Gus. It's a very manly name, but people are still like, "What a beautiful little girl you have." So tell me what surprised you most about becoming a mom?

Courtney:   1:53
Um, well, after pregnancy and everything after giving birth, I think that that what surprised me the most, being as I I didn't ever want to have kids, was how just awesome I would find it. And that's that sounds really corny and everything. But I love, you know, getting to wake up and go see my little girl. And I love it when she smiles at me and she's so playful and fun. And she has this little personality. Even at, you know, when she was three months or five months old, she had this cute little personality and watching her grow and just develop herself and her personality and who she's gonna be has been just so incredible. I wouldn't have believed how awesome it would be.

Nicoll:   2:35
So tell me a little bit more about what your experience was like going through an unplanned pregnancy. And then what you would tell other women who are experiencing an unplanned pregnancy right now.

Courtney:   2:44
Absolutely. Okay, this story could get a little long, but okay, so me and my husband, um, have been together for six years, and in those six years, we discussed not having kids. It was it was something we talked about before we got married. Neither of us wanted to, um he didn't have the best home life growing up, and he didn't want to repeat the mistakes that you know, his parents made and such. And he just said, "It's not for me. I don't want kids." And I was like, "Dude, I don't ever wanna have a baby come out of me. You don't have to worry about it. It's This is good for both of us. I do not wanna have a baby." And we had discussed, you know, fostering or adopting one day. Maybe, you know, becoming parents later in life for sure or very much later. But not in a traditional, we get pregnant, have our own kid kind of sense. And so, um, when we found out we were pregnant, it was, um it was stressful, to say the least. Um, I think I had my very first panic attack that day. I mean, like, crying up against a dishwasher. I mean,  like on the floor. And Patrick was just standing there, and he just sat down next to me and was like, it's okay. And I was like, "How could you say that? It's not okay. We're gonna have a baby. We have, like, we can barely take care of ourselves it feels like some days, and now we have to take care of this tiny human, too." So it was really stressful. And, um and I struggled with it a lot throughout the whole pregnancy. I had to, you know, find things to be happy about. And I also had a really rough pregnancy where I had HG. So I was throwing up the entire pregnancy. Um I mean, like, bad, like ER visiting bad and ah, also SPD, which is like, where your hips stretch out too far. So I was like I couldn't walk some days, it felt like and I couldn't roll over in bed. I mean, it was it was pretty rough. I know lots of women have worse pregnancies than I did. But mine was definitely not a walk in the park. And so it just added on to the miserableness of, you know, this thing that we didn't want to happen. Um, so, uh, I did a lot of things to kind of cope with that. And, um, like, I would write her letters, it made it seem a little bit more real. You know, when you're writing a letter to a person rather than, uh, what feels like a consequence almost, um And so I would write her letters. And I would, um, you know, find things to get excited about, Like announcing the pregnancy was exciting because people were gonna be happy for us and then announcing the gender because we knew everybody wanted to know if she was gonna be a boy or a girl. So we found little things to be happy about with the pregnancy to keep us going through. So that was really cool.

Nicoll:   5:43
I really like the idea of writing letters.

Courtney:   5:46
Ah, yes. I had this little notebook and it's got just a bunch of letters in it, and it's almost kind of like I had to fake happiness because you never...I knew that I was going to keep the baby. You know, I I knew that I wouldn't be able to terminate the pregnancy, just not who I am as a person. I mean, I'm all pro-choice and everything. You know, you get to choose what you do with your body, but I knew I couldn't do it. And so I had to kind of fake it because hopefully one day she'll be able to read these letters. And I didn't want her to think that she was some burden that was put on us and that we just didn't want to be around her. So I would, you know, write like I was excited to meet her and stuff like that. And I think it really did help in a great way about her, you know, becoming more of a person and less of an inconvenience.

Nicoll:   6:43
What would you recommend to other moms who are still kind of just feeling that? Like they're just not ready because this wasn't something that they planned for?

Courtney:   6:51
I would say it's okay to feel like you're not connecting when you're pregnant, and you might not even connect for a month or so after baby's born, and so I would not put yourself through too much grief and pain. I know I cried so many nights because I was like, I'm a an incubator to this child, but I have no connection to it. And so that kept me up a lot. And I think that more women should just know that it is okay to not feel a connection right away. And also write the letters. Find things to be excited about. Another thing that helped me a lot was telling people. I guess because it made it more real. Made it like it was an actual person. And other people usually will be excited for you. And so they remind you that, you know, babies are blessings and just how incredible they can be. And I think that's really important. I had a big circle around me of people who just were so excited for her to be alive. So I think doing that helped me become excited. And now I have this beautiful little nine-month-old baby who...she can't laugh. I don't know why she can't laugh, but she smiles all the time. And she's such a happy little girl. And I I mean, I honestly couldn't imagine my life without her.

Nicoll:   8:15
Yeah, I know that feeling of not understanding or not feeling like it's real. I felt the same way. I remember when I was pregnant, I would say...honestly, maybe even into the second trimester, I was still like, "But how is their baby in there?" Like, I don't feel a baby.

Courtney:   8:33
Yeah, and you start getting bigger and you gain a little bit of weight and everything, and then you're like, "But what? It doesn't make sense."

Nicoll:   8:40
Exactly. And I also felt like when you first start gaining weight, nobody tells you, like you gain weight everywhere. It's not just in the front of your belly.

Courtney:   8:49
Yes! And that's really hard to come to terms with. Two, like you already didn't want to have a baby. And then you just get big everywhere, even your feet, so you can't wear comfortable shoes anymore. You can't wear any of your shoes.

Nicoll:   9:06
So after becoming a mom, you decided to start blogging. Tell the listeners what they can find on your blog and how it's different from other mommy blogs.

Courtney:   9:39
So I started blogging in September. I wanted to start a blog for a couple of years. Now,  I'm actually an English teacher in my day job and so I enjoy writing. I love reading. I'm a grammar Nazi by heart, so I felt like blogging was a really good spot for me. And so I mean, you have a baby, and then your life just turns upside down. So I started writing some of the posts in March, right before Carter was born. She was born April ninth,, and so I started writing some posts in March and did not even get around to building a blog until the end of August, early September because it was so crazy having a newborn. And then she just kept growing. She's become more independent. And so I was like, "Well, she's on a great schedule. She's napping a lot during the day." And so I was like, "I'm gonna go ahead and start this." So I started the blog, and my main focus was just letting other women know that it is okay and totally and completely normal to have an unplanned pregnancy and to not be happy about being pregnant for a while. It's totally okay. Everywhere that I went when I first found out I was pregnant, you know, like because I wanted to do things right...You don't want to be pregnant, but you're also not a horrible person. So I wanted to make sure I was taking my prenatal vitamins and I was trying to take care of my body, and I was drinking enough water, stuff like that, and you have to kind of look up stuff. It's not instinctual, you know. But I was going to these websites, and all the blogs I could find were like, "Oh, my gosh, you've probably been waiting for this your whole life. You're so excited. Congratulations!" And I was like, "No, not exactly my situation." And so I thought that it would be a really awesome way to communicate with other people like me that it is okay to have to work. They work through it and have to find a way to create the connection and such like that. And so I do try to keep the blog upbeat. I don't want it to be depressing and like, "Oh, I didn't want this" and all this stuff, but I do try to include those people, too. And so in a post, I'll write stuff like, "Congratulations. You just found out that you're pregnant, even if you didn't want this," and then maybe link my five ways, one of my first posts was the five ways to cope with an unexpected pregnancy, and get out there and be like, "Hey, it's okay. I'm acknowledging that it's okay that you didn't want this." But for some women, they did. And so I do try to keep open to both types of people. And I think that's what a lot of other mommy bloggers miss is because a lot of Mommy bloggers wanted to do this. Motherhood is their whole life. And I feel they just assume that everybody is just going to be so ecstatic about being pregnant, and it's just not the case. So I do try to keep it open, to both sets of people. I feel like that's what's different about my blog.

Nicoll:   12:43
I also think that your blog has some really good advice for anybody who's entering that first stage of early motherhood. And so if you're currently pregnant or if you've just had a baby, I definitely recommend checking out Courtney's blog, which is TheUnplannedTinyHand.com.

Courtney:   13:00
Thank you, I'm also writing a guide to newborns soon. I'm hoping the launch is going to be around her birthday in April. But it's gonna be like an interactive book on how to take care of newborns so if anybody's interested in that. Or if that's that's where the life is taking you, then keep a lookout for that, too.

Nicoll:   13:24
How exciting. And they can go to your website to find that as well, right?

Courtney:   13:27
Yes, ma'am. Right now, I have a free guide that will be available on January 1st. And that's completely free so they can keep a lookout for that, too.

Nicoll:   13:38
That's excellent. Be sure to check out TheUnplannedTinyHand.com.

Courtney:   13:43
Thank you.

Nicoll:   13:45
Thanks so much for joining the show, Courtney, and for all of our listeners today again, if you want more information about Courtney or her website, go ahead and check out the show notes. Thanks for listening today. For more on pregnancy, postpartum, and parenthood, visit MasteringMotherhoodPodcast.com and subscribe to this show wherever you get your podcasts. If you have a topic that you'd like to hear, shoot me an email at MasteringMotherhoodPodcast@gmail.com. Thanks